Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt out

Us Weekly talked to Heidi Montag’s mom, Darlene Egelhoff, and asked her her thoughts on Heidi’s elopement with Spencer in Mexico. The very perceptive Egelhoff gives the marriage six months and wants a blood test because she thinks Spencer could have drugged Heidi. Egelhoff, who’s no longer close to her daughter, believes Spencer is merely using Heidi as a pawn and since Spencer is the village idiot, she expects to eventually fall apart.

Heidi tells Us that she didn’t invite her mom to the wedding because she was, ahem, “starting so much drama.” Pratt, smelling free publicity like a shark smells a drop of blood, responded that Egelhoff “needs to take a real fat chill pill and be happy for her daughter.” And also, “Johnny says relax,” “Meat. It’s what’s for dinner,” and other such phrases popularized in the 80’s.

Spencer Pratt is a douchebag. Everyone around him thinks he’s a masterful puppeteer able to make Heidi do his bidding. But he’s really not. The skill required to gain power over Heidi is right up there with being able to put those polygonal blocks into their respective holes. You’d have a tougher time changing a light bulb.