Jennifer Lopez shops

Instead of letting people find out through leaked documents or leaking the story to the press themselves, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have decided to announce their divorce by singing a farewell duet together at Madison Square Garden right after Valentine’s day.

Jennifer hopes this will cement her status as America’s number one attention whore. It’s an honor that’s remained rather elusive for her for a while now. And if that doesn’t work, then there’s always plan b. A laser light show emanating from her vagina.