Lily Allen

Remember when Lily Allen had to be carried out of the Glamour Awards by her body guard because she was too drunk and the next day she remained unapologetic and even claimed her drink may have been spiked? Then at the GQ Awards she co-hosted with Elton John, she got really drunk again and made another scene? Well, those days are over as Lily Allen has sworn off alcohol and drugs for at least a little while. Aww.

Allen claims she’s been off alcohol “since 22 September,” and doesn’t plan on indulging again – at least for now.

“I have no intention of taking drugs again at the moment,” she said. “But I can’t say ‘Never again,’ because I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years’ time. And I will definitely drink in the future, just not for awhile.”

Lame. Celebrities should drink and do stupid stuff. That way I can make fun of them for it. They exist for my amusement only. Much like an organ grinder monkey. If I ever saw a celebrity walking down the street, I’d yell at them, “Dance, monkey, dance!” And if they didn’t, I’d fire my six shooter at their feet forcing them to do so.