Michael Jackson

A guy named Ian Halperin wrote a biography on Michael Jackson which claims the mask enthusiast is in dire need of super Robitussin. He says Jackson suffers from Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency, a rare and fatal genetic disorder, can’t breathe right due to emphysema and has gastrointestinal bleeding.

“He’s had it for years, but it’s gotten worse,” Halperin told In Touch magazine. “He needs a lung transplant but may be too weak to go through with it … [But] it’s the [gastrointestinal] bleeding that is the most problematic part. It could kill him.”

Ian also claims the singer is 95% blind in his left eye and can barely speak. Jackson was seen earlier this year being pushed around in a wheelchair. Most recently, Jackson was photographed wearing a Zorro mask. Because Zorro is awesome.

It’s weird enough to be hit on by a mask wearing white guy, who’s really black, cradling a pet monkey, but add in an eye patch, wheezing and more kids being taught about stranger danger and I can see why Michael’s sex life went to shit.