Oprah Larry King

In the January issue of O, Oprah Winfrey admits she’s “fallen off the wagon” and is mad at herself for ballooning to 200 lbs after slimming down to 160 lbs in 2006. Oprah admits to feeling like a fat cow and wanting to disappear. She also describes her low point when she clomped around town to find a gown for the Barack Obama inauguration in January. I’m assuming being too fat for dresses made her realize she wasn’t the obese person she thought she was, but actually a less obese person trapped in the body of an obese person. Poor Oprah.

To say Oprah has fallen off the wagon is an understatement. She’s actually broken the wagon. To get back on again, she’d need a Ford F-150 pickup but even then when the truck is gunning it, the wheels will be spinning into the dirt like it was stuck in mud.