Paris Hilton

Sources at the LAPD say Paris Hilton’s Beverly Hills home was burglarized this morning. Police report a man in a hoodie forced his way through the front door and went through her bedroom probably trying to get his Valtrex fix. Cops say $2 million in jewelery is missing along with other items.

An APB has since been put out for the robber. Residents of Beverly Hills have been told to keep an eye open for a dude with a full blown herpes breakout. Hospitals are advised to call the authorities if anyone comes in complaing about a sudden incurable STD.