Charles Barkley mugshot

Yesterday, Charles Barkley was pulled over by Arizona state police for driving under the influence. Now, new details have emerged which paint a clearer picture as to why Barkley was in such a hurry. According to a report filed by the cop who pulled him over, Barkley ran a stop sign because he was in a rush to get a blow job from the girl he picked up.

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report also alleges that later at the station, Barkley tried to woo an employee out of his DUI by promising “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass.” He then laughed, corrected himself and said, “I’ll tattoo your name on my ass.”

In Barkley’s defense, all the blood probably rushed out of his head and into his crotch causing him to become irrational. He probably shouldn’t have tried to “bribe” the employee in such a straightforward manner either. It would have been wiser to imply it. Like, tell the guy, “I’ll do anything to get out of this DUI, officer,” and then do that thing where you grip an imaginary penis and push your tongue against your cheek.