Elisabeth Hasselbeck @ Conde

Thursday on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck announced she was pregnant for the third time. Expecting an August birth, Hasselbeck said: “We are thankful for such great news and will begin planning our zone defense strategy immediately.” Hasselbeck already has two children with her husband Tim Hasselbeck, football dude.

Doctors predict this will be the most annoying birth ever and that if Elisabeth doesn’t keep quiet while pushing out her baby, they will duct tape her mouth shut. Protesters declared this a violation of human rights, but doctors were quick to refer them to The View. It was at that point protesters nodded understandingly and left.