Madonna Mercy Malawi

The Malawi Director of Child Welfare Services confirmed to Us that adoption proceedings are going full steam ahead. Madonna will be adopting 3-year-old Mercy James from Malawi. If you care for a little bio about the little girl then here it is:

The girl is “has no father and mother, they both died…We finished the assessment yesterday in readiness for the courts next week,” an official at the ministry of Gender and Child Development told Reuters.

Mercy is moving on up. She used to poop in a hole she dug with a Playschool shovel. Now she’ll poop in a room with doors and a nanny will wipe her ass. She used to get her daily vitamins from that weird weed growing in the backyard. Now it’ll be provided by the Flinstones. Mercy could punch through a wall she’s so happy. No more mud pies! It’s nothing but real pies from here on in, baby.