Moments after Us Weekly alleged that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian were cheating on their respective spouses, Eddie came out and denied the report. Cibrian, not having full understanding of how video works, said:

“Other than being friends and two actors who were romantically intertwined in a movie-for-television we filmed last fall, there is no truth to the reporting. It is a fabricated story that is using random snapshots as connective tissue to create a scandalous relationship.”

Us, shaking their fists, released the security footage hours later and shouted, “Owned!” In the video, two colorless figures are seen at a dinner table holding hands (36 seconds) and kissing (1:47). Us even has the dinner receipt signed by Cibrian himself. If that wasn’t a kick in the nuts, they have more.

The newest issue also shows photos of Cibrian and Rimes meeting up for a three-hour tryst March 14 at the Malibu Beach Inn — where the blinds were closed and a do not disturb sign was placed on the door. Cibrian was not wearing his wedding ring.

All the while, Cibrian’s pickup truck sat in the parking lot with a visible child’s car seat in the back. The actor has two sons, ages 5 and 23 months, with model wife Brandi Glanville.

When did Us turn into private investigators? This is black ops type stuff. They probably have spy satellites watching celebrities’ every move.

Eddie is an idiot though. When someone says they have video of you cheating and posts stills from the video, you don’t call them out on it. That’s like being told a caged tiger is agitated and hungry and then going, “Yea? We’ll see about that!”