Lindsay Lohan and her Sprite

Lindsay Lohan is poor and hasn’t had a film role since 2007. She’s currently living off appearance fees and credit, but no one really wants her for appearances anymore due to her bad press and frequent cancellations so now it’s mainly just credit.

As a result, she’s been borrowing money from her girlfriend Samantha Ronson and the two are constantly fighting about it because her spending is sending Sam to the poor house where Lindsay already has a cot.

“Lindsay is spending like crazy!” a friend of the actress tells us. “She’s living on credit right now. She has no cash. The problem is, the money being spent is mostly Sam’s because Lindsay doesn’t really have any of her own at the moment; she’s really taken on the ‘man’ role in their romance. Sam really thinks Lindsay needs to learn how to become a recessionista and manage her money better.”

Most recent frivolous purchases include a $30k on a Rolex and a Maserati that usually costs almost $100k. Ironic because Lindsay can neither tell time or drive without being drunk and crashing into something.

Now, realizing most avenues of employment have dried up, Lindsay wants to make a quick buck modeling for IMG Models. Ha! Because modeling is just like acting only you don’t have to memorize words and there’s twice as much blow.

If and when she’s finally fired from that job, Lindsay can always come model for me. Just let me know beforehand, ok? I have to set up my lights which are just three flashlights duct taped to the ceiling. I like to keep it real. And untraceable.