jennifer aniston baster set

The National Enquirer is reporting on a story most likely leaked to get publicity for Jennifer Aniston’s new movie The Baster. A source tells NE that this movie mimics Jennifer Aniston’s life story in that no man wants her so she’s become desperate enough to inseminate herself with backup sperm in order to get pregnant.

“But the real shocker is that she says her top candidate for artificial insemination is David Schwimmer!”

“Jen isn’t afraid of raising a child on her own. She says David is perfect father material because he’s the whole package – handsome, tall, smart and with a full head of hair!”

The second insider added: “The funny thing is that Jen said when she and David were still starring on Friends, they made a pact that if they were both single at 40, they’d elope and start a family together!”

Not even Aniston’s baby could stand her fugly ass. Once that kid develops hands and feet, he’s going to crawl out of her womb in the middle of the night and make a break for it. The only way Jennifer could keep the baby is if she put up steel bars around her uterus like they do on the windows in prisons.