matthew mcconaughey beach

Matthew McConaughey opened up about his early years in the sack. Surprisingly, he wasn’t always a sexual god as I am told.

“From checking out Playboy I always thought — jeezum, we still don’t have a better word for it than vagina, do we? —I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know, east/west, not south,” he admits to Elle. “So the first time I got to third base, man, I was hunting for a long time.”

Weird. He just described my date last Saturday. He left out the part about the cops being called and me stealing her underwear though. Gosh. If you’re going to tell a story, get it right.