Megan Fox might play She-Hulk
By The Blemish, 10:21 AM on Apr 10, 2009, 2 Comments
Megan Fox is supposedly on the top of everyone’s list to play She-Hulk. Starting a new franchise is a good decision as this should add another dimension to the Hulk saga: Tits!
“The idea is to make She-Hulk sexier but even more savage than the Hulk, which is why Megan is the big favorite for the lead role. She’ll be green of course and will have to hang on to a few more pieces of clothes than the male version when she transforms!”
The only problem I have with She-Hulk is that she’s nothing like the female equivalent of Hulk. While Hulk transforms into a raging green lunatic twenty times his size, She-Hulk transforms into a dainty pornstar painted green. Every time I look at her, I expect her to put her hand over her mouth and giggle. Plus, she never shreds nearly enough clothing when she transforms. It’s like they want me to NOT get a boner while reading this at the library.
FAIL!
ONE: She-Hulk’s alter ego, Jennifer Walters, is a lawyer. Has been since day one. Megan Fox is barely old enough to buy beer, much less play a criminal defense attorney. At 22/23, Fox is just too young. For that, you might as well hire Lohan. At least she comes with the built-in rage.
TWO: Megan Fox CANNOT ACT. It’s not like She-Hulk is Shakespeare, but she has to do more than just act like a vapid c**k trap for 2 hours. Giving a high profile lead role like this would be like giving Shia the lead in the next Jack Ryan actioner. Not believable as actors or even people.
THREE: On the heels of 2 mediocre box office performers, does anybody think that this might be a success? Marvel’s best option would be to go the Wonder Woman DVD route. Sure. You won’t be able to see Megan jiggle for 2 hours, but at least the character could get her own flick and Fox can continue to pay for her life of ignorant bliss.
FOUR: No… More… F**king… Origin… Movies!!!! The formula is dead. D-E-A-D DEAD. Give a quickie flashback to her origin and go on to a bigger story. Maybe play up some of the lighter dramedy elements of her Slott & G1 Byrne eras.
FIVE: “More savage than the Hulk!?!” The guy kicks tanks, puts soldiers in body casts, and beats up giant mutant dogs. Besides, the She-Hulk character may have started off as savage back in 1979, but she really rose to popularity as a far less savage character back during her Fantastic Four membership in 1984. The idea of a “savage” She-Hulk disappeared totally from the moment Byrne made her more of a comedic figure in 1989. That’s 20 years since she’s been “savage.”
To simply write her as a cheap female knock-off of Hulk would be a major mistake. If anything, she’s more like a gamma powered Ally McBeal.