John Mayer

It’s a miracle John Mayer gets any women at all. He’s a 6ft something douche who writes shitty music, a lumbering retard if you will. Not only that, but he’s also super creepy. Jessie James was on WFAN Sports Radio telling a story about how she met Mayer and why she thinks he’s a douche.

“He had someone send for me [from] across the room,” James related. “He had a bunch of girls with him and he said, ‘We should [all] go back to my apartment.’ ” She said Mayer left first to avoid the paparazzi, and when they got to Mayer’s apartment, “We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, ‘I need some taxi money, I’m gonna go home now.’ ” Mayer asked James for her number and she gave it to him before leaving. She recalled, “He texted me throughout the entire night while I was at the hotel room,” leaving messages like, “Let me tuck you in. I want to see you.”

Wow. Was he going to come over and kill her too? And then preserve her, dress her up and dance with her lifeless body under the moonlight every year on the day he murdered her? Because that’s what it sounded like he wanted to do.