kristie alley fat

Maybe I mangled the quote, maybe I didn’t. Either way, I stand by my statement. When Kristie Alley stepped on her scale, it screamed “228! Now get off. GET OFF! I can’t breathe.” Alley says this the heaviest she’s ever been despite slimming down to 145 with Jenny Craig and donning a bikini on Oprah.

According to Alley, she has a “sneaking suspicion” that her ballooning weight was due to “Chinese takeout” and butter binges.

No, really. They used the phrase “sneaking suspicion.” Ya think?! 83 pounds doesn’t creep up on someone like a silent assassin. You start noticing things at +15 pounds like shortness of breath after climbing a flight of stares or chest pains after opening the refrigerator. At +30 pounds Kristie probably stared at the mirror and went “meh” before polishing off a stick of Land O’Lakes. When she hit +83 pounds she probably stared into the mirror again, went “well, what’s done is done,” nonchalantly wiped her handsĀ  and sat down to wait for her congestive heart failure.

[Fox News]