billy-mays-oxiclean

Reports are coming in that Billy May’s death may not have died from being hit on the head during a US Airways flight, but rather, heart disease. A preliminary autopsy showed that he suffered from hardening of the arteries which caused a pulmonary embolism. According to the ME Billy Mays “had an enlarged heart, a thickening of the wall of the ventricle which takes blood to the heart.” It will take several weeks for the final autopsy report.

In layman’s terms, Billy Mays died from having too big of a heart. You see, he cared too much. He only yelled at you because he wanted to best for you. Had I known this, I would have bought all his OxiCleans or, you know, at least thought about it before looking into my wallet, crying and then surfing for unscrambled porn in an attempt to console myself.

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