Lindsay Lohan is having a meltdown

Lindsay Lohan was at London’s Cuckoo nightclub last week and Dean Piper of the Mirror was sitting right next to her. He was not impressed. In fact, he was a little worried. He described Lindsay has having straggly hair all over her face and looking detached from reality. She repeatedly kept mumbling: “I feel so, like, caged. Totally caged.”

She spent the better part of the night texting Samantha Ronson who seemed to not return the same loving sentiments she was giving. Everyone started worrying about her as she kept repeating how she felt so, like, caged. Then at some point during the night, Lindsay then “squirmed around as if trying to hide in a ball on the floor.”

Whatever. She’s just being melodramatic. You don’t see actual kids in cages being sold on the black market saying how they feel so, like, caged. Possibly because it’s implied, but mostly because they’re not big whiners. Lindsay can learn a thing or two from these kids being forced into slavery. They don’t get paid thousands of dollars for an appearance, yet, they’re still extremely grateful when you give them a sandwich for dinner.