"Stay cool, man. Just stay cool."

Lindsay Lohan spent Friday at the AXE Lounge with her brother Michael drinking Shirley Temples while her security guards forced everyone to delete photos they took of her. Lindsay was probably laughing maniacally while this was happening. I bet she also made them lick her shoes.

On Saturday, Lindsay went to The Box spending most of the night on her phone. Then witnesses say she began behaving “extremely oddly and erratically.” They continued, “She came in at 4:30 a.m. and went to a VIP room, where she immediately climbed a stripper pole. A little later, she walked up to a tall, handsome guy and asked him a question. When he said he didn’t know the answer, she lost it and started yelling and cursing and flying around the room. She was not acting normal.” He must have not understood what Lindsay meant when she asked, “Are you holding?” Bitch needs her drugs.

In other news, TMZ confirmed that Scotland Yard is investigating missing jewelery worth $500,000 (not $40,000 as previously reported) from an Elle magazine shoot Lindsay did. They did add that they had other suspects as well. But, you know Lindsay stole that.

Lindsay’s rep said: “No one has contacted us yet, but Lindsay is happy to cooperate. She wants them to find the missing items.”

What a great strategy. Of course she’s happy to cooperate. She already pawned it all. They’re not going to find anything at her place. Although, police should be a little suspicious that Lindsay offered to help search for the missing jewels in the private jet she just bought.