Afternoon time wasters

Tiffany Amber Thiessen is too busy for Jimmy Fallon, but not the cover of PEOPLE.

• A trainer says Madonna’s workouts are unhealthy. You mean having arms resembling the gnarled branches of an oak tree isn’t “healthy”? Whatever, dude. [Popeater]
• Jessica Simpson plots her revenge on Tony Romo. Step 1: Become attractive again. Step 2: There is no step 2. [The Superficial]
• Rachel Taylor is flashing her panties. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Beyonce just wanted to let her nipples breathe. What’s the big deal? [Bossip]
• Lauren Conrad aims high which to her means being able to walk and chew gum at the same time. [PopSugar]
• Sites want to make Aug. 4 a day without Megan Fox. Well, every day is a day without Megan Fox for me. I’m so lonely. [Asylum]
• Rachel Nichols is looking good. [Popoholic]
• Saved by the Bell dissed Jimmy Fallon and reunited on the cover of PEOPLE. Even Tiffani Thiessen was on it. Cry, cry into your palms, Fallon. [Just Jared]
• Vintage Kim Zolciak. [Dlisted]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt wants to get in on this whole Comic-Con thing. Will create her own comic book. About a mysterious music box. [CoEd]
• Is Christan Bale’s crackhead performance worthy enough to win him an Oscar? Herpes? [Celebitchy]
• No idea who Pixie Lott is, but I can see up her skirt. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Bruce Willis and a couple of dick doubles. [AB]
• Welcome to your drunken shaming. [Holy Taco]