Michael Jackson named his kid after Paris Hilton

In today’s most disturbing news, Paris Hilton claims Michael named his only daughter after her. Maybe that’s what really killed him. He was shamed to death. At the premiere of Paris, Not France, a documentary about Paris Hilton, she told Extra:

“My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13,” Paris explains. “So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she’s such a beautiful little girl and I’m proud we have the same name.”

That’s probably one of the worst decisions he ever made in his life. Even the city of Paris is lobbying to change its name. What once was a city full of wonder and romance is now the city everyone thinks is a huge slut. It’s pretty much assumed Paris has already slept with the neighboring cities.

Oh, but, I shouldn’t be making fun of Paris, the person. That idiot claims the airhead heiress character is one she painstakingly cultivated to make money. One she doesn’t want to be defined by.

“In a way it’s good, but I also don’t want people thinking of me as this blond heiress…airhead,” she says in Paris, Not France, a new documentary about her life, premiering Tuesday on MTV. “But that is kind of my brand. I make a lot of money by doing that.”

“I always looked up to Princess Diana and all these women, and now I could never be like that,” Paris says. “I want to have a family. I want to be normal. I want to be happy.”

Instead, she says, she has to worry about people “thinking I’m a slut and thinking I’m something that I’m not.”

Paris must have a different definition of intelligence. A lab rat could outsmart her. If you put both Paris and the rat in a maze, the rat would finish in 30 seconds while Paris would be ramming her head against a locked door wondering why a doorman wasn’t opening it for her.