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Don’t you hate it when the chick you’re banging doesn’t make any noise?

Oh, whew. Simon says Paula will be back on American Idol. I don’t think I could have watched without Paula’s inane stammering and wishy-washy critiques. [Popeater]
Whoever knew Latoya Jackson had huge tits? [Drunken Stepfather]
You know what would be a great show? The K-Fed show. Ha ha. What? Someone’s taking that seriously? [The Superficial]
Don Cornelius wants his divorce finalized before he dies. No way he’s taking his ex to the grave. [Bossip]
George Clooney travels by land and sea. He’s like a well-dressed Navy SEAL. [Popsugar]
Guy Ritchie could be back with Madonna. Her powers are just too great! [Celebslam]
Pete Wentz wants another baby. In an act of selflessness, Bronx throws himself in front of Ashlee’s vagina. [Celebitchy]
If all goes according to plan, Bai Ling could be Nicole Richie’s stepmother. [Dlisted]
Olivia Munn is a good pin-up girl. [Popoholic]
Eva Longoria does GQ Mexico. [UseMyComputer]
20 celebrity transformers. [CityRag]
At least Rachel Nichols is in G.I. Joe. That’s something to look forward to. [MoeJackson]
Kurt Cobain just got Rick Rolled. [College Humor]
Why being an Olympic gold medalist is overrated. [Celebrity Odor]
The Kama Sutra for fat people. [Holy Taco]

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Oprah can be replaced. (Popeater)
The 2009 GQ Men of the Year Awards featuring... women? (The Superficial)
Models in the hair and make-up chair for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. (Drunken Stepfather)
Mark Sailing made the unwise choice to hook up with Audrina Patridge. (Lainey)
Years of self-tanning has led Victoria Beckham to have a natural orange glow. (Celebitchy)
John Mayer goes to battle on the Today Show. (Popsugar)
Remember that dude from Dawson's Creek. Things aren't going so well for him. (Wonderwall)