In an interview with Rachael Ray (huh?), Ashlee Simpson talks about her past pregnancy. She discusses how that nancy boy Pete Wentz is over protective, how they don’t want their kids to group up in the middle of Hollywood, how she’d be tougher if her kid was a girl and how she could do the splits while 9 months pregnant. Wait. Bucket. Someone get me a bucket to puke in.

“I could do the splits when I was nine months pregnant,” she says. “I could put my leg over my head still. I used to be a ballerina.”

That’s unnatural, dangerous and sort of gross. According to my first grade understanding of human anatomy, that baby could have shot out of her vagina like a buttered turkey. Yikes! Also, girls have cooties, so you should really think about staying away from them.