The Emmys were yesterday, but I didn’t even know so it’d be a safe to assume I didn’t watch them. I don’t even know who was nominated for what because I’m so out of touch with reality. Who am I? What is this? Why am I typing into this little box?

Regardless, looking through pictures today, I found out Blake Lively was there. God knows why, though. The day Gossip Girl gets nominated for anything is the day I eat my hat and I don’t even wear hats! So, it’ll have to be someone elses hat. What I’m trying to say is, god damn, forget about Blake Lively’s alien-like head, check out her breasts. They’re amazing. If she came out of a spaceship and told me she was going to kill me, I would get real excited and ask, “Is it going to be a sexy death?”