The allure of money was too great. Stephanie Santoro broke down to In Touch and revealed the excruciatingly boring details of her affair with Jon Gosselin. With this much detail, I’m surprised she didn’t draw Jon’s penis for In Touch. The always fantastic Popeater has the exclusive.

Santoro, 23, tells In Touch Weekly that their steamy fling began one night with an innocent phone call where Jon asked her to come over. Santoro says that Jon asked if she could give him a massage, and then he was like, ‘my turn.’ While we were sitting there, he said, ‘Well, I guess we can kiss just once.'”

Santoro says that night, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.” The two then made their way to Jon’s hot tub, where Santoro says she “kept looking at the windows” because she was afraid “one of the kids was going to pop their heads out, but he told me to relax.”

She goes on to call Gosselin “very romantic,” saying after they got out of the hot tub, Jon “ran in to make sure all of the kids were asleep, and we went back into the apartment that is over the garage. We continued what was going on in the hot tub, and then he fell asleep afterward.”

After their first hook-up, Santoro says the ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8’ star texted her several times “saying how much he cared about me, and he was being really sincere. He just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was being used. I pretty much spent every night there that entire week. And that’s how our relationship started.”

Santoro then goes into TMI territory about their relationship, saying they had sex “nine times,” and that Gosselin “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.”

This reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Jimbo was trying to hook-up with Bart’s babysitter and Jimbo says something like, “this shirt is chafing” and he takes off his shirt and then he goes, “these pants are really chafing too,” and I don’t know whether or not he takes off his pants, but that reminds me of this. Two smooth operators in the zone. I bet when Jon finishes he says, “Boom goes the dynamite.”