Spencer Pratt considering self-castration | The Blemish

Spencer Pratt considering self-castration

By on September 30, 2009
heidi-montag-coffee

The flesh bearded bitch from the Hills had an interview with PopWrap of the New York Post and admitted that his wife is a scandalous, lecherous wench who will go to any length to unleash upon the world miniature mirror images of themselves.

“PW: Do you think she’d trick you into having a baby by saying she was on birth control or something?
Spencer: She’s not the kind of person who would lie — she would just walk away and not answer the question. So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.”

Lucky for us, Spencer Pratt was too busy combing through his flesh whiskers during sex ed to learn condoms are equally effective in preventing unwanted babies.

“PW: So it sounds like we shouldn’t expect Speidi babies any time soon.
Spencer: I’m not even kidding, my wife — OK, I’m gonna get crass here — but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby. That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding — my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”

I wasn’t even aware Spencer had balls to cut off. How else do you explain a man refusing sex to his semi-cute wife? Sure, she’s a semi-cute liar of a wife, but a semi-cute wife nonetheless. Even so, I’ve fashioned a carry-on surgical case so that I may always be at the ready to perform this procedure for Spencer at a moment’s notice. Rubbing alcohol? Check. Scalpel? Check. Molotov cocktail to shove down Spencer’s throat paired with pliers to slowly remove his fingernails while coercing him to sign a will that leaves his and Heidi’s fortune to me?

Check.

A drawing of a bumble bee with patent leather shoes? Well, that was from my being bored and the bee being just plain fancy.

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