Emmy Rossum is kind of pretty and an actress. Adam Duritz looks like a shaggier Peter Jackson and makes shitty music. Emmy Rossum probably smells like roses. Adam Duritz probably smells like he just rolled around in dirt and wet feet. So why are they together? And why do chicks dig him in general? Emmy has an answer.

“I get why chicks dig him,” Rossum tells PEOPLE at the grand launch of the W Hotel in Washington, D.C. “He’s extremely kind, incredibly intelligent, thoughtful, creative and respectful.”

“I don’t discuss my love life because it’s always misinterpreted or put under the microscope,” she says. “It’s especially annoying when you’re dating someone else who’s well-known, which is why I normally would never go out with a famous guy.”

Kind, intelligent, thoughtful, creative, respectful? Whatever. I bet those are all code words for “gun,” “rohypnol” and “he’s holding my family hostage”.