So… who keeps hiring Nic Cage?

– Taylor Lautner, the 17 year old from Twilight, took off his shirt to be photographed for Rolling Stone. He did flips in the air while showing off his six pack. Taylor Lautner is a lot like me except not as athletic or cut. I kind of feel sorry for him. [Popsugar]

– These are the photos you won’t see in ESPN’s upcoming body issue. Highlights include Tony Stewart and Caster Semenya who was only left off because her penis would take up half the page. [Holy Taco]

– The Dudesons are being called the Finnish Jackasses which means they have a weird fascination with putting staples through their scrotum. [Asylum]

– R. Kelly not being able to read makes him the most successful R&B singer that’s every peed on and had sex with an underage girl. What an honor.  [Celebslam]

– Ralph Lauren’s latest ad features a severely photoshopped model who has an impossibly small waist and disproportionately sized breasts. In other words, the perfect woman. [Celebitchy]

– Megan Fox is in Details magazine and it’s just as you’d expect. Gay, but still kind of hot because it’s Megan Fox. [Popoholic]

– Cristiano Ronaldo just became the new model for Armani’s underwear. He will be replacing David Beckham. Armani, however, will still be using my body to paste Ronaldos’ head on top of. I feel so used. [Just Jared]

– Why do Lindsay Lohan and Ali Lohan looks like two meth heads looking to score? Is that a trick question or something? [EB]

– Katrina Bowden celebrated her birthday at Liv. Not much to say about this except she’s much hotter on 30 Rock. [MoeJackson]

– Look at that Joe Jonas. He’s so tough in his wife beater. I bet all the kids are scared of him when he walks onto the handball court. [ASL]

– Levi Johnston, the guy who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, will be in Playgirl for no reason whatsoever other than the fact he knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter. This should show you that people are really stupid. [Yeeeah]

– Not only did Paris Hilton buy a pet pig, but she also hung out with a monkey. Her animal slaughter bingo card is almost complete. [WIMB]

– I think Bodique is a model or something. The pictures of her modeling lingerie sort of give it away. [UseMyComputer]