Dear lord, no!

Khloé with a é Kardashian is forgoing birth control because she wants a baby just like her sister Kourtney and, coincidentally, a kid is also a good way to get more money from Lamar Odom after their inevitable divorce. She says,

“We’re not doing anything to prevent us from having a child, but I’m not like trying every day. We’re young and healthy, so I think it will happen when nature wants it to. TMI, but I don’t wanna take birth control pills if I don’t have to!”

You tell them, Bigfoot. Although, letting Khloé raise a kid isn’t the best idea. Maybe we can get someone on the inside to spike her margaritas with Yaz.

The good news though is that Khloé’s not actively trying for a baby despite already looking one month pregnant.

“I actually gained about 7 pounds after my wedding,” she said. “You just get lazy and you’re in that honeymoon stage.”

Uh huh. Translation: “Now that I tricked a guy into marrying me, I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Nom nom nom.” Confusingly, Khloé’s not too worried that her weight is going to affect her marriage.

“He loves me either way, but he’s really encouraging and proud that I’m getting up and going to the gym and eating better, and he definitely notices it,” she said.

Riiight. Which is why every time she say she’s going to the gym, Lamar gives her a standing ovation. Everyone knows Lamar’s love is inversely proportional to Khloé’s body fat. When Khloé hits that magical number, Lamar is going to dump her ass. He’ll need a forklift to do it, but he will.

Up above and down below are pictures of Ashley Greene in body paint for Sobe since I didn’t want to find photos of that monster Khloé and I already had these open.