The Chicago Sun-Times says Jesus Luz dumped Madonna after realizing the 100 year age difference between them precluded them from having the same interests. Madonna liked knitting, reminiscing about the days before WWI and recoiling in fear whenever the magic picture box turned on and Jesus Luz liked Hannah Montanna and Bratz dolls. It’s said the split was amicable meaning Madonna’s icy, bony fingers weren’t fast enough to grab on to Jesus as he made his escape from the shackles that bound him. Not metaphorical shackles either. Real shackles. Like the ones they have in dungeons. Jesus probably built up a tolerance to all those sedatives Madonna was feeding him.
