In the latest Esquire, Christina Hendricks talks about what a guy should be like. I think. I’m not sure. Her huge breasts sort of drown out her voice. A few excerpts:
We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.
Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.
We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.
No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.
About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.
With my comments about Jessica Rabbit being the perfect woman, my bad memory, my love for drinks that are pink, my 5,000 Facebook friends and my constant leering at Christina’s breasts, I don’t know if we’re very compatible. I’m sorry Christina, but I think this might be the end of our relationship. Let’s not make a big deal out of this.