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Charlie Sheen Wants a Porn Family, Will Not Go to Rehab

During the beginning of his 36-hour binge, Sheen brought his realtor and porn star friends to have dinner with his neighbor George Santo Pietro, Vanna White’s ex-husband.

Sheen got plastered and started talking about renting out George’s estate for $250,000 a month while he vacationed in Thailand. He wanted to turn George’s mansion into a housing project for his favorite porn stars. Basically, his own Playboy mansion. His people found out about the deal and slapped him silly and put a stop to it. Oh, well. At least Charlie still had a plan B. Go on a bender.

One of the porn stars says Sheen was smoking cocaine and critiquing porn before his neighbors, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars Dr. Paul Nassif and Adrienne Maloof-Nassif, called 911.

According to TMZ, after a briefcase of cocaine was delivered to his house, Charlie whipped out his small green pipe and started smoking coke for hours. He ended up in his theater room with all the porn stars and watched 3 hours of porn while critiquing the action. The porn star was said to be “surprised” by how much Charlie knew.

In related news, Charlie’s dad, Martin Sheen, wants him to go back to rehab. To which Charlie replied, “Hahahahhahahahah,” deep breath, “hahahahhahahha.” Charlie then threw a used condom at his face, gave the old man the finger and rode away on a rickshaw pulled by a couple of porn stars.

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