Rihanna Likes to be Spanked

Rihanna is in the latest issue of Rolling Stone and in the interview she talks about Chris Brown’s restraining order, being spanked and acting in Battleship, a movie about the board game. Hey, Hollywood. Go f**k yourself.

On easing the restraining order: “That’s my decision,” she says. “It doesn’t mean we’re gonna make up, or even talk again. It just means I didn’t want to object to the judge.”

On how the Chris Brown incident changed her: “I put my guard up so hard,” she says. “I didn’t want people to see me cry. I didn’t want people to feel bad for me. It was a very vulnerable time in my life, and I refused to let that be the image. I wanted them to see me as, ‘I’m fine, I’m tough.’ I put that up until it felt real.”

On being spanked: “Being submissive in the bedroom is really fun,” she says. “You get to be a little lady, to have somebody be macho and in charge of your s**t. That’s fun to me…I like to be spanked. Being tied up is fun. I like to keep it spontaneous. Sometimes whips and chains can be overly planned – you gotta stop, get the whip from the drawer downstairs. I’d rather have him use his hands.” She goes on to recount a recent trip to a sex shop in Sydney called the Toolshed, where she left with two full bags of whips, blindfolds and dildos. The takeaway? “Don’t go to a sex store tipsy.”

On Skype sex: “When you’re not with the person you want to be intimate with, a picture is the next best thing. Well, Skype is safer. But a picture lasts a long time. When you’re alone, and those horny moments come up, pictures can be very handy.”

On sexting: “I haven’t gotten a d*ck picture in a long time. I think people are a little afraid. It can turn out bad.”

On filming for Battleship: “There were times I would walk up to her like, ‘Are you really handling this?'” says Battleship director Peter Berg. “She would just laugh at me. She said she was really enjoying not having to drive the ship – not having to be running this huge Rihanna machine.”

On being a victim of abuse: “I do think I’m a bit of a masochist,” she says this evening. “It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s not something I noticed until recently. I think it’s common for people who witness abuse in their household. They can never smell how beautiful a rose is unless they get pricked by a thorn.” She thinks it explains her attraction to tattoos (14 and counting, including a skull with a pink hair bow on her left Achilles, a pistol on her right rib cage and the words Never a Failure, Always a Lesson on her collarbone), as well as her “love-hate relationship” with the media, and the fact that the darkest moments of her life are out there for public consumption. “When I think about it, I really do take some pleasure in the negativity,” she says. “I don’t want to say turned on by it – but I’m turned on by it.”

Excellent. My checklist for meeting Rihanna is complete. When I first introduce myself, I’ll tell her there are no restraining orders against me. Then I’ll spontaneously whip and spank her. Then I will text her a picture of my d*ck. This is pretty much a fool proof plan for getting her to fall in love with  me. How can it fail?