Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson Were Molesting Each Other

When rumors of Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn dating started popping up, I dry heaved a little because all I could think of was Scarlett sticking her tongue into an old catcher’s mitt. When the National Enquirer ran this story about them groping each other at Madeo restaurant, I had two other feelings in addition to the queasiness. Jealousy and sadness. Otherwise known as Friday night.

Even though two pals were with them, the steamy duo groped, smooched and stroked – but when the meal ended, Sean suddenly wanted to change tables for dessert.

Why? Said My SpyWitness: “They were at the best table in the house, but it’s smack in the center, and Sean was annoyed by lookey-loo diners sneaking peeks. There wasn’t an empty table to be had – but Sean sent a hostess to tell three girls in a corner booth that if they’d switch tables, he’d pay for dinner.”

Giggling, the girls agreed! They trooped to Sean’s table as his party scrunched into the booth, which was a tight fit – but it didn’t cramp the lovers’ style.

“Sean and Scarlett kissed and petted like their pals weren’t even there,” said my source. “When the evening ended and the lovebirds exited, a waiter handed the three girls a check holder – but there was no bill inside; just a note from Sean that read: ‘Thank you!’”

It’s great they used words like “stroked” right after “groped” since the first thing everyone will assume is that it was his cock being stroked. Scarlett sounds fun.