gwyneth-paltrow-book

For all intents and purposes, Gwyneth Paltrow is a pretentious b*tch. Maybe not one-on-one but that’s how she sounds judging by her GOOP newsletters. One person who might agree with me is her husband Chris Martin.

Martin was not too pleased to have to go to one of Gwyneth’s pretentious dinner parties in New York to celebrate her new cookbook. While a bunch of other famous people seemed happy to be there, Martin “arrived cranky and a publicist warned, ‘he doesn’t want to talk.'” No problem. Other people did. Ugh. Now entering pretentious story mode.

Jessica Seinfeld reminded the crowd how lucky they were to be invited. “You are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world,” Seinfeld said to the guests. “Because this is the real deal. And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.”

Christy Turlington revealed that Gwyneth is a whiz when it comes to killing lobsters. “It’s not the boiling-in-the-pot-and-screaming lobster thing. It’s a different, faster approach. I could never do it,” Turlington said about how Paltrow prepares them for the boil. “You stick a knife through the head,” said Turlington, who seemed suddenly troubled. “Oh! That’s awful to say.”

Michael Stipe was happy to rib Gwyneth for a cooking faux pas. “Once, a duck she was cooking caught fire, and she threw it in the pool.”

Throwing a duck in the pool? Haha! How marvelously normal! Gwyneth Paltrow. She’s just like you and me. If we came from a cheesy 80’s sitcom. I bet the real story is she forced the maid wear the duck on her head to teach her a lesson and she couldn’t take the flaming duck off her head until she figured out what that lesson was.