No Charges Will Be Filed Against Nic Cage

The New Orleans District Attorney has decided not to file any charges against Nicolas Cage for his mid-April arrest where he was charged with domestic abuse and disturbing the peace. This included grabbing his wife’s arm, maybe dropping his kid when he was drunk, running away from police, taunting them and refusing to get out of a taxi. No harm no foul apparently.

“The New Orleans District Attorney has confirmed that no charges of any kind will be pursued against him,” Cage’s attorney Harry Rosenberg tells PEOPLE. “After their investigation, the DAs refused all charges against Nick and the matter has been closed.”

New Orleans sounds like the perfect place to be a bro. You can be fall down drunk, endanger children and force the cops to chase you around town like you were Benny Hill and the worse that will happen is a night in jail. The DA will probably even high five you.