Screw You, DiCaprio

Five minutes after announcing their breakup, PEOPLE has a story that Leonardo DiCaprio is already moving on. Possibly with Ashley Greene. His group, which includes Lukas Haas and Emile Hirsch, watched a Beacher’s Madhouse variety show at the Hollywood Roosevelet Hotel on Wednesday, a show consisting of of dancing Oompa Loompas, live monkeys, goats and exotic burlesque dancers.

There he was introduced to Twilight’s Ashley Greene who no doubt fell madly in love with him and will probably dump Jared Followill soon. Who wouldn’t. You could get lost in those eyes. An onlooker said, “His mood seemed typical. He talked to the people he knew and otherwise just made his way through the crowd.” And on his way through the crowd he impregnated 10 women by just looking at them.