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In an interview with The Daily Beast, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, who now live at Spencer’s parents’ beach house in Santa Barbara because they are penniless, regret everything they’ve done in their made up lives. They make the very believable claim that they have no friends, no money and are largely unemployable.

They admit that everything about their lives was for show. From their fake breakups to their fake divorce. Oh and they sucked at money management.

“We never had any!” said Spencer in response to the money question. Meaning, it went out as quickly as it came in. Spencer estimated they spent $2 million on Heidi’s ill-fated pop-music career, hiring writers, producers, and engineers who worked with Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, and Lady Gaga. There were lots of clothes, too. “I probably spent a million dollars on suits and fancy clothes,” Spencer said. “My whole million-dollar wardrobe—I would never wear that again. They’re props. Everything we were doing, we were buying props. I bought a big blue monster truck just to drive it on The Hills for an episode. Never drove it again.”

The most interesting part of the interview is what Spencer says got him kicked off The Hills. Producers wanted him to punch her sister in the face for “That Snooki effect,” but Spencer refused and went ballistic saying, “You want me to punch my sister in the face? Are you trying to get me to kill you?” This is only interesting because I never thought there was a line Spencer would not cross.

Anyway, he’s now a burrito and taco eating douchebag in Santa Barbara who can’t even go out because people take pictures and make fun of him on Twitter. Hopefully it stays that way.