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In an interview with UK Glamour, Josh says he’s still surprised Fergie married “Mr. Straight White Boy.”

“To be honest, I’m sometimes surprised she picked ‘Mr Straight White Boy,’ because she’s very rock ‘n’ roll, so I’d have thought she would be with someone who is a little more … out there,” he told the January issue of UK magazine, Glamour. “Then again, maybe that’s exactly why she chose me.

“I don’t think of us as an ‘It’ couple. I don’t look to publicise our relationship, because I know what we have, and the rest of the world don’t need to know. That said, I don’t mind talking about her, because I’m proud of her and I love her.”

Welcome to Bizzaro world where Josh Duhamel currently resides. A place where Fergie is as desirable as Scarlett Johansson or Megan Fox or even that block of cheese left out in the open for a week. And if that wasn’t enough to wrap your mind around, Josh then said something that will scar my brain forever.

Duhamel has revealed that the pair relies on modern technology to keep the spark alive in their marriage.

“Well, there’s Skype … She makes sure the lighting is pretty perfect,” he explained. “You’ve heard the term, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder,’ right? Well, hers is ‘Absence makes the c**k grow harder.’”

That sound you hear? That’s me dry heaving into a plastic bag. I mean, what in the world could be considered perfect lighting for this? Utter darkness?