Justin Bieber Is Adult Swaggy

Every time Justin Bieber opens his mouth, you just want to punch him in the face. Today is no different. Bieber gets profiled in the latest GQ and he’s every bit as charming as you’d imagine a white kid mentored by Usher to be. Meaning, not very. In fact, he sounds like your typical bro.

In the article, which describes him as nonthreatening, Bieber just got his Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van which was tricked out by West Coast Customs.

Gathering around his new toy, Bieber seems “euphoric” and so excited that he pledges his loyalty to West Coast Customs and dismisses its rival, Platinum Motorsport. “F*** Platinum,” he said. “Platinum can suck a dick, man. West Coast all day.” GQ via HuffPo

Wait, did he throw up the Westside gang sign like a little wigger too? I bet he did.

Bieber goes on to defend his friend Kim Kardashian when one of his business advisers starts trashing her.

“You guys are so mean, bro … People say she doesn’t do anything; she actually does do stuff … she works hard,” he says defending Kardashian, with whom he tweets and has collaborated on a photo shoot.

Well, Kim and Justin’s rise to fame were pretty similar. Both got their start through a viral video. The only difference is Kim took her dick on tape.

Anyway, besides being a loyal friend, Justin is also very humble.

On his songs: “I’ve never made a bad song.”

On partying: “For me, it’s just like, I like to be in control of myself. I mean, I’ve had a beer, like, before…. But I never get out of control.”

On if he gets his feelings hurt while working on songs: “He hurts feelings.” (says Bieber’s producer)

Oh and how does Bieber describe himself? Why, with imaginary words of course.

“I’m a swaggy adult,” he says, most convincingly.

You tell ’em, Wonderbread. Wait, “swaggy adult” is a euphemism for douchebag, right? I just want to make sure.