Aaron Sorkin writes his movies using his own madlib book.
Sounds Like a Plan
- A clinic now offers Sunday abortion discounts to counter Church’s pro-life protests. Finally, affordable abortions. Get out of here, coat hangers.
- Louis C.K. has decided to eliminate the middle man and is selling tickets to his shows without the markup. Each ticket will be $45 a piece and will not include sales tax.
- You trademarked your unibrow. Now what?
Aw, Geez
- Zooey Deschanel has a new screenwriter boyfriend named Jamie Linden. A source says, “He’s funny, and a little geeky… he’s into her!” “Deep into her,” snickered the 10-year-old inside of me while pushing my index finger through a hole made by my other fingers.
- A woman asked a 15-year-old to spot her on the waits, coerced him into a tanning booth, stripped half naked and started kissing him. That is until his cockblocking mother started pounding on the door and dragging the temptress out. Jesus, mom. Can’t you let your son live out his porn fantasy just once?
- Paulina Gretzky is getting felt up by L.A. Kings center Jarret Stoll. Er, I mean dating. Sorry, Wayne.
Girls, Girls, Girls
- Hey guys, it’s Jennifer Lopez in a bikini with her two kids.
- Paz de la Huerta got naked for Terry Richardson because what else does she have to do? (Site NSFW)
- Miley Cyrus may be getting married next weekend implies tweet that people are reading a lot into.
- I could stare at Amanda Seyfried filling up gas the whole day.
What?
- Worst wedding ever? No, best wedding ever!
- When a bear fight breaks out on your lawn.
- Oreo gayed up their cookies. Some people are not happy. “This cookie is too gay. I can barely fit it in my mouth,” said one fat, hungry homophobe.
