Snooki Pops Out a Boy

By Victor on August 26, 2012

lopez-snooki-0826

Shortly before 3 AM this Sunday, Snooki expelled a pre-spray tanned little orange guido from her pickled body. His name? Lorenzo Dominic LaValle.

I am SO IN LOVE with my son Lorenzo Dominic ! I had my little man last night, healthy at 6lbs! HE’S MY WORLD! ❤

— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) August 26, 2012

According to doctors, it was an easy birth. The baby just fist pumped his way out of her vagina.

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Perhaps the baby is actually Neil Armstrong reincarnated. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Welcome to the world baby Gilgamesh ArmstongLaValle.
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I can almost smell the stench, and the thought of this tiny mole person on covers of magazines as some sort of obscene lure may be the last sign of the Apocalypse. Ugly, whorish women with mole babies, I’m sure that’s in Revelations, right?