Kanye West Has Two Sex Tapes, Kim Kardashian Look-A-Like Was Paid

Not only does Kanye West have a 20 minute sex tape featuring a Kim Kardashian look-a-like, he has another one 40 minutes long with constant action and no breaks. TMZ describes his performance as Sting-like but I don’t believe it. I think Kanye is doping. For too long has the public turned a blind eye to the rampant steroid use in this sport. 40 minutes? It could be 40 hours for all I care. Unless there’s Olympic style drug testing, I won’t have any of it.

In related news, it’s time to put on your tinfoil hats. The Examiner is claiming the Kim Kardashian look-a-like in the first sex tape is Kim Kardashian herself. Because the tape was made while Kim was still married to Kris Humphries, he could use the video as evidence Kim was unfaithful during their fake marriage. Ergo, Kim and her people paid aspiring model Mony Monn upwards of six-figures to take the fall. A source says Mony was given unreleased photos of Kim to mix in with her own photos on Facebook to throw people off the scent.

Is any of that believable? Sure. About as much as aliens coming to earth and whisking us away to heaven is. I’d have an easier time believing Jessica Simpson is a size 2.