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During a monologue at a Glamour magazine event in New York last night, Olivia Wilde said she felt like her vagina had died which led to the dissolution of her marriage with her Italian prince. Now she and her new man Jason Sudeikis bang like “Kenyan marathon runners.”

“I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out … you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina. Sometimes your vagina dies. Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that. [Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.” Vulture

Apparently the only thing that could revive her dead vagina was new dick. It’s like a modern day Cinderella. Jason Sudeikis lucked out and became the prince who’s penis was the glass slipper. Can you imagine the dialogue for this updated fairy tale? “I”ve tried this glass slipper on all the women in the land and I’ve finally found the one which it fits.” “Wait, what? ALL the land?!”

Although, Olivia Wilde tweeted that performance art doesn’t always translate accurately to tabloid interpretation.