Rihanna's 777 Tour is a Descent Into Madness | The Blemish

Rihanna’s 777 Tour is a Descent Into Madness

By on November 19, 2012
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Last Wednesday, 250 fans and media-types boarded Rihanna’s Boeing 777 to embark on on a 7 day 7 country promotional tour for her upcoming album, Unapologetic. Four days in, however, things are starting to turn Lord of the Flies-ish as a result of discontent among journalists suffering from a severe lack of access to the singer. Between Berlin and London on Monday, around 3:30 AM, chants of “Save our jobs, save our jobs,” echoed through the plane. That’s when an Australian DJ streaked naked through the cabin.

Rihanna’s fans were revolting. Other chants of “Just one quote!,” “I need a headline!,” and “Occupy 777″ were heard. Rihanna looked out from business class for a second to see what was going on and probably made a dismissive jerk-off motion before popping back in.

Popdust gives a few reasons as to why this “once-in-a-lifetime” experience was driving everyone to insanity.

  1. Okay, you have a point. We’re very lucky to be here and to have jobs to do. Just being employed and invited to hear music and eat free sandwiches for a week is a privilege, and I think most of the fans and journalists aboard felt that way for the first part of the trip.
  2. That being said … Picture the last time you were delayed at an airport for several hours. Now picture that happening several times in one day, with no ability to make calls, text, or use the internet. Sometimes you aren’t sure of the next time you’ll be able to use a bathroom, get water, or eat. Now picture that happening for five days in a row, all while you’re supposed to be doing your job remotely. Now picture that, with a steady soundtrack of European house music.
  3. Also picture that Rihanna is supposed to be on your plane, and she is barely present until she shows up on stage, hours late.

They go on to describe the plane as a prison where people are deprived of sleep, water, food and showers. Even the flight crew’s plan to help, by handing out microwaved hoagies, backfired, making the plane smell like “processed cheese and fear.”

The entire experience actually sounds like an intricate plan to brainwash 250 fans and journalists. First you break them down and then you build them back up by having Rihanna appear when they’re at their lowest point. By the end of the tour, there’ll be articles describing how Rihanna looked like Jesus walking on water as she delivered slices of pizza to everyone in the cabin.

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  • Herman Bumfudle

    :-/ goofy.