Kate Middleton Has Been Confirmed Pregnant

Experts in their field have examined Kate Middleton’s uterus and have determined that a living organism is growing inside her. She’s pregnant, if that wasn’t clear. No word on how far along she is but it definitely hasn’t been 12 weeks.

Currently, the Duchess of Cambridge is in a London hospital with a severe form of morning sickness called hyperemesis gravidarum. She can’t keep any food or liquid down. Tara Reid knows what I’m talking about. Amirite? *Makes glug glug noises*

Prince William and Kate’s first child will be the third in line for the throne behind William and his father Prince Charles thus leapfrogging past his brother Prince Harry. Unless of course they all die in a horrible baking accident. I’m not saying Prince Harry would do something like that but its safe to keep this kid away from all pastry classes until he’s 18.