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Pretty soon, ’ baby, Xavier, won’t be able to recognize her. Because she’ll be bald. And babies don’t have the mental capacity to understand that a bald is the same person as a non-bald . Babies are stupid like that. Note that this is just my assumption based on hours of playing peek-a-boo with babies. Those idiots fall for it every time.

“Why is she losing her hair?,” you ask. Not because of the stress of being a single parent raising a baby and dealing with questions from everyone asking who the baby’s daddy is. No, it’s because she’s been dying her hair way too much.

During the Sundance Film Festival, Jones said that going from blonde to red to blonde to black and back to blonde has caused her hair to start falling out in clumps. “I’m going to have to shave it off and wear a wig,” she joked.

Jones’ colorist, Jennifer J, says January is “so brave” when it comes to dyeing her hair new colors. Wait, why does that make her brave? Is it because she’ll turn her hair any color? Like that “One time, seven or eight years ago, we made her whole head bubblegum pink!?”

“No,” I imagine Jennifer explaining, “it’s because her head is now completely f*cked.”

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