Lindsay Lohan Has a Boyfriend Now

As part of her transition into “sober” life, Lindsay Lohan has a new boyfriend. 30-year-old former football player and Bravo reality show star Matt Nordgren. Nordgren played one season for the Philadelphia Eagles and appeared in the reality show Most Eligible Dallas so he clearly has the credentials to be a sober jumpoff for Lindsay Lohan.

When we quizzed Nordgren directly about dating ­Lohan, he told us: “We’ve hung out. But I have been a friend trying to support her for many years now.”

He explained the two met about seven years ago through mutual friends in Los Angeles.

When we asked if Lohan, who was spotted at the Purple magazine party at the Top of the Standard last week, was sober, he said: “She’s completely sober for months now. She’s in a great place, she’s thinking clear and working hard and meeting with all the right people.”

Strange considering that’s pretty much what everybody said about Lindsay the first two times after rehab until she got drunk and stole a bunch of stuff. But this time is different, I swear!

The only way Lindsay will change is if we attach one of those dog shock collars to her and set it off anytime she does anything remotely retarded. Just don’t let me handle the controller. I’d just set it off randomly. Line of coke? Buzz! Peeing? Buzz! Drinking a glass of water? Buzzzzz! Haha, look at her flail around!