Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr Broke Up Because Justin Bieber?

According to The Daily Mirror (yes, grains upon grains of salt), a picture of Justin Bieber “cuddling” up with Miranda Kerr at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year was one of the many things that led to the breakdown of their marriage.

There aren’t enough sighs for this story. Not because this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read but because there’s no way Justin Bieber was the reason for Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom’s split unless Orlando Bloom is the most insecure person in the world and I don’t see “fatty” carved on any of his arms so that can’t be it.

The Mirror says that picture, coupled with the fact that Bieber and Kerr partied together at a nearby hotel into the morning with other Victoria’s Secret models and that there had been some flirting going on, gave Bloom a “sinking feeling.”

Add to that “a source” that says Kerr is a big fan of Bieber and had even taught their son Flynn to say “Bieber fever” and you can see why there were some serious issues. I mean, if my wife taught my son how to say that, I’d put a helmet on the kid and tackle him over and over again until his aura of manliness returned.

Conversely, Page Six implied at the time that Bieber had no chance because all the models there were with their significant others or had just gotten out of a relationship. Don’t forget the fact that this is Justin Bieber we’re talking about. Let’s just say you can’t pay a VS model to take all your semen like a hooker.

Then there’s the fact that the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is coming up real soon so, hey, publicity.