Kate Winslet popped out that parasite that had been feeding on her a few weeks ago. It turned out to be of the boy variety. Since the kid is the spawn of a guy named Ned RockNRoll, everyone assumed he’d have similarly regretful of name. Everyone was right. They named the kid Bear Winslet. As in that animal that sh*ts in the woods or the slang term for a big, hairy gay man.
Granted, the name isn’t as retarded as some other celebrity baby names like Blu Ivy or Apple and the kid will join the likes of notables like Bear Grylls and, uh, Alicia Silverston’s kid, Bear Blu. And luckily for that kid, Yogi Bear would be before his time so he’ll be spared the fate of his friends always asking him to get some picnic baskets.